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Since I woke up today
I've been struggling to breathe.
Choking on your name
Asking you not to leave.

It happened again,
I saw you in my dream.
I'm still trying to catch my breath
Trying not to scream.

I need to wipe these tears
I need to blur your face.
Force this heart back into gear,
make it regain its normal pace.

So I'll go get my pills
And I'll bring out the liquor.
Keep on lying to myself
Saying "today I really don't miss her".

But I'm haunted.
Can't get you off my head.
I wish that I would die,
For you to be the one suffering instead.

Why did we fight that night?
How could I let you drive away?
If i knew that you'd been drinking
I should have forced you to stay

And today,
is the anniversary of your death.
I've been trying not to think of you,
But I'm crying, still short of breath.

I take out my wallet
Where I still hold your picture.
Wondering if I'll meet you soon
Thanks to this pill and liquor mixture.

But I feel nothing
I've been drinking this all morning
My heart still hasn't given out
The only pain comes from this mourning.

Are these pills not good?
Is this liquor not enough?
Is the only thing that hurts me now
When I think about you, love?

I miss you
I need you and you're not here
I'm about ready to pass out
And repeat this all next year
:iconiinegativeii:

Missing You by IINegativeII

/ / / ©2012-2015 IINegativeII
Newest poem
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:iconcrazyblurplepens:
CrazyBlurplePens Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013
Whoa, that seriously broke my heart, Amazing bloody amazing! :iconhappytearsplz:
- Aurora x
(You have found a new number 1 fan!!)
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank u :)
it means a lot!

(u will have to fight for that number 1 spot..lol)
Reply
:iconcrazyblurplepens:
CrazyBlurplePens Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013
I will fit to the end! xD
- Aurora x
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ok...be gentle when u fight my mom ;P
lol
jk
she has never read my writing..
i dont have a number 1 fan.

Reply
:iconcrazyblurplepens:
CrazyBlurplePens Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013
Nope, she's going dooown (only joking). But you have a number 1 fan now - ME!
- Aurora x
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
haha
yes
thanks :)
:icondragonhugplz: 
Reply
:iconcrazyblurplepens:
CrazyBlurplePens Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013
Emoticon: Cookie... :iconletmehugyouplz: True ^-^
- Aurora x
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:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
haha
I'd let u hug me!

Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcanuspellmyname:
CanUSpellMyName Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Pills.........


DON'T DO DRUGS!!!!! >.<
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No...not that kind of pills..lol
well..maybe >_>
Reply
:iconcanuspellmyname:
CanUSpellMyName Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
DON'T DO THEM!!!!
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
muahahaha

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:iconcanuspellmyname:
CanUSpellMyName Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, fine. Do them. But when you die, don't come zombie crawling back to me :C
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:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww...I thought u wanted me to be with u even after death 
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:iconcanuspellmyname:
CanUSpellMyName Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
When did I say that?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your body language told me
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconposhsingularity:
PoshSingularity Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Professional Artist
There are a few really clever rhymes here, like breathe and leave- I'm a fan of near rhymes in poetry, and where you have used them, they come off pretty well.

Exact rhymes always tend to come off too obviously; dream and scream, face and pace- where you used near rhymes to such great effect, the more exact rhymes seem much less mature and simple. If it's possible, try to use near rhymes throughout; it comes off much more clever and interesting to read. Or if you can't replace the rhymes with near rhymes, only use the near rhymes at really important points to give emphasis.

Definitely avoid homophonic rhymes like the plague; e.g. morning and mourning.
Homophones can be amazing in poetry, but when they're use to end rhyming lines, it's like being hit in the face with a squeaky mallet. Try to use them more subtly, within the line itself. E.g. "I've been mourning all morning" But also try to use more of them if you're going with that, to add more of a consistent punny punch throughout your poem. Otherwise, it's best to avoid them entirely or space them out much more so they don't call attention to themselves.

I'd suggest that you think more about meter here, since is seems to vary wildly, and I can't tell why it's doing that. It's OK to vary meter, but it should usually have purpose to emphasize something; otherwise, keeping it more consistent helps a lot in the fluidity of the read.

Liquor, miss her; picture, mixture- there are some really fun parts in this.

It's a little campy as is, but it could go either way, which can be a problem. I recommend either turning up the humour to 11 so it's much more out there and absurd, or toning it down a bit and making this more serious (the former would be more fun), because at the moment it's kind of straddling the line, and the reader might wonder if you knew what you were trying to express here- if you know what I mean?

I hope that makes sense and was helpful :)
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahh thank u very much :)
Its very helpful.
Im not that good at rhyming..
but Im glad u liked a few parts of the poem :3
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconsuperwritershelp:

It's very powerful when you realize that she's dead rather than having just left. I do hope that this isn't a true story, and if it is, I'm very sorry :heart:

I like the rhyming as well as specific parts:
"liquor mixture" sounds cool to say out loud.
"And repeat this all next year" is a powerful end.

As for grammar, in poetry it is not necessary to use proper grammar. However, it is better to be consistent, to either not use it or use it properly throughout. You have some lines with no commas or periods, and some parts that are written as if they were proper sentences. It would look nicer to choose one or the other and keep it consistent.
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:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
U know u are the nicest person that has ever critiqued my work
I like u the most :iconaawplz: lol

I had originally intended this to be a cliche story about the girl leaving the guy
but then i thought..it would be better to make it a more permanent departure.
Its not a true story at all.


i liked saying "liquor mixture" too. lol
I made him act the way i would..if i were to ever lose anyone that close to me.
and..i think thats why people..think this might be a true story.


i suck at grammar
like i said..im jnot good at writing
i've never studied..i really dont know how.
I just do what i can :c
Reply
:iconparvuandreea:
ParvuAndreea Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
You're kwite god :)Why don't you try to publish them in a book ? :)
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank u very much :)
I do Have a book...selfpublished.
Its sold on amazon...but..im not sure if its sold on ur country.
But it also sells on itunes....and soon on android.
:)
though..it mostly has old poems..
not this one.
Reply
:iconparvuandreea:
ParvuAndreea Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Ah I see :)
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah :)
I'd ask u to check it out.
but i really have no confidence in it xD
Reply
:iconparvuandreea:
ParvuAndreea Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Mh? wait ,wait...:) I don't get it what to check out ? and in what you don't have confidence...:"?
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
my book xD
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:iconparvuandreea:
ParvuAndreea Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
oh I'm back on track..but..but..I don't have money to buy it <:( and you did not teld me haw it's named
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha
no,...no
please dont worry about buying it.
its Called
"The Thoughts of Nobody"
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconvampie-knight-roks:
vampie-knight-roks Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That is AMAZING! I really do wish I could write like you do. Really. It's amazing, very good job.
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much :)
Reply
:iconvampie-knight-roks:
vampie-knight-roks Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome. :)
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:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
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:iconvampie-knight-roks:
vampie-knight-roks Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah~ I got smiles~ :D
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:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
for once
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:iconvampie-knight-roks:
vampie-knight-roks Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, at least I got some smiles instead for none, like you say, for once.
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah..
i guess so.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconannawiss:
Annawiss Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
i love it... but its so sad...
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank u very much :)
Im glad u like it
Reply
:iconperianth5:
Perianth5 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student General Artist
So beautiful! :heart: but chilling... :evileye:
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :)
I'm glad u like it
Reply
:iconperianth5:
Perianth5 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student General Artist
:)
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:iconthornsofpurpleroses:
ThornsofPurpleRoses Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. This gave me chills. I could feel the emotion while reading it, as if I were the one mourning. Very powerful poem, a definite fave :)
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:blush:
aww
well thank u very much :)
Im glad u like it :)
:iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconjlondzz:
jlondzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
:( my eyes seating dear..(T_T)
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:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehe Thanks :)
Reply
:iconlinknzeldaforever:
LinkNZeldaForever Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Powerful... almost brought a tear to my eye... Never let a drinking person drive, no matter the cost, even if it means getting your butt whopped by them... other wise, the end result is never good... For your loved one or other innocence on the road...
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks.
I'm glad u liked it :3
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
This is... I'm about to cry.... It's okay though... the sadness is merely perfectly there, pure grief and regret and pain...
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:blush:
thank u very much :)
but please dont cry xD
I'm glad u like it though :)
it means a lot :3
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
I didn't XD
You're welcome =)
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