Hello, I will be critiquing your piece on behalf of . I will do my best to help by suggesting improvements that can be made and general feedback on aesthetic appeal.

First Impressions

Life goes by (platitude)
It(add apostrophe)s nearly the end of October (decent detail)
Eleven months since you left me (redundant)
And I still can't seem to keep sober (you've got to be kidding me)

Drink after drink (getting exaggerated)
Living off of intoxication (very exaggerated, those who live like that are called "alcoholics")
Can't mend this broken heart (platitude)
But it(add apostrophe)s the best medication (illogical, faulty thinking)

Holding on to the past (platitude)
Feels like I'm stuck in one place (platitude)
Still being haunted by your voice (platitude)
And that last look on your face (...)

I'm starting to hate (c-c-combo! Four in a row! You are on FIRE! *Note that this is also a platitude.)
Everything I once loved about you (platitude)
Like the thickness of your lips (weird detail, but at least it's original)
And how your eyes would shine blue (platitude)

The sound of your voice (platitude)
The accent when you'd pronounce my name (weird detail, but it's original)
What I really hate
Is that no one can pronounce it the same (this is nice)

I hate that I love you (platitude)
And can't seem to forget you (platitude)
I hate that I'm broken (platitude)
And can't seem to get through (platitude)

I hate that I lost you (platitude)
I hate you're not here (platitude)
That every day I'm lonely (platitude)
And living with fear (platitude)

But I no longer love you! (Yeah, right.)
Or so I would love to say (platitude)
But I will always love you (platitude)
Just hopefully not always like today (meter break combo finisher! I'm dead. Congratz)

Final Impressions

Again, you have produced a piece that'll be the death of me if I don't say it. PRACTICE WRITING. Reading this would be almost unbearable, but thankfully, that's what critics do. Don't think I'm tearing down your work though. This is foundational progress. It's grinding and boring to read, but essential to any writer. We all write like this at some point. What I want to suggest for you, is to take the typical love story, and turn it on its head. Don't write about missing a person for being gone. Write about how happy you are after they left, how they've betrayed you, and why you will not be sad or sorry at all. That's what Diane Wakoski did with her piece "Dancing on the Grave of a Son of a B@#ch".

Love stories like this are a dime a dozen. Put that to your advantage. Write about love in a way no one would expect. Write about something more real to you than anyone could ever know. That's something that you can raise to the air and declare, "That's mine."

Hope this helps, I guess.

I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of


Firstly, the title reminds me of the movie (and poem from it) The Ten Things I Hate About You. Good movie.

Now, the crit:

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ST = Stanza
L = Line

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First thing that strikes me here is the lack of punctuation.
Punctuation:
Although some may argue that punctuation is a stylistic choice, I personally believe that it belongs in poetry. Especially in rhyming poems. A line break does not indicate a pause, in fact it indicates the opposite - that you should carry on reading in one breath as if it was a sentence. So without even the simplest punctuation, like commas, readers have no idea where you want them to breathe and pause or where you want them to continue reading on without a pause. Consider the following:
Man, without woman,
is nothing.

vs

Man without woman
is nothing.

Both say the same thing, but the first has more pauses in it because of the commas while the second flows together because of the enjambment (no punctuation at the end of the line).
Also consider experimenting with semi-colons and dashes.

Grammar/Punctuation:
Watch out for your contractions, specifically 'it's', as you have one in ST 1 and one in ST 2 that aren't punctuated.

Rhyme:
Here you don't have much, if any, forced rhyme. You have also stuck to a relatively simple rhyme scheme of abcb, varying it only in the final ST which makes for a nice conclusion.

Overall:
My only criticism of this, besides the lack of punctuation, would be that it's a tad cliché.


Jo

Wow, that's amazing, kid. You're really good.