I'm looking out my window just seeing the rain fall Trying to hide my phone to fight back this urge to call And all the memories of us playing in the rain start to flood my brain As the rain starts screaming out your name
As I'm looking there outside I can see your silhouette I know you're not there and yet You look just like the day we met Oh please tell me Juliet Why can't I forget
Blame it on the rain Blame it on my brain Blame it on life being full of pain Blame it on these eyes for always seeing you Blame it on me For all I've put you through
Blame it on the rain Blame it on my name Blame it on love driving us insane Baby blame me when there's nothing left to blame Cuz I haven't lost the flame it still burns within the rain
And I cant keep acting like everything's okay babe you've made it so an atheist would pray I don't know what to believe in anymore since the day you walked away I just hope that you'll come back to stay
Now Juliet tell me,Why I can't forget That these memories make me live in regret And though Im not standing outside in the rain. These tears still make me feel I'm so wet
Blame it on the rain blame it on these veins Blame it on this heart pumping love in vain Blame it on the boy treating love like its a game Thinks that he can play but only proves most men are the same
Just...Blame it on the Rain yeah blame it on the rain Blame it on maturing just a little late And now that I've grown up giving everything just isn't enough No matter what I try to do I've already lost your love
And I'm sorry Juliet that I couldn't be your Romeo I'll just let this rain..wash away the pain so we can finally let go
Firstly, don't forget to check your folders. #GrammarNaziCritiques has a 'lyrics for critique' folder which is where this should have been submitted.
Now, the crit: ST = Stanza L = Line For lyrics to work without a melody you need to have good rhyme and good rhythm. You have this for most part of the piece. There are a couple of things I would watch out for though.
Chorus: Most songs have a repeatable section that the listener can easily remember and sing along to. Yours has that somewhat in the 'blame it on the rain' ST's, but you have too much variation within them for them to be a proper chorus. I would look at keeping them the same, maybe the same two repeated over again at a later part.
Rhyme: Your rhyme and rhythm works well up to the end of the first 'blame it on the rain' section. Then you get a bit wonky with your rhythm, and although your rhyme is still good it makes it appear bad. This has to do with meter (syllables per line) so I would try look in to that more. It almost spoils the piece having such a nice rhythm at the beginning and then it gets thrown off completely.
You have a good concluding ST, but I would still have the 'chorus' come after this, and then repeat the ST again. (You will find that songs are very repetitive).
Watch out for typing too fast, because some of your contractions are missing the apostrophes (I noticed an 'Im' near the top).
ok Well first of....not all songs have a repeat chorus. in my type of music...anyway and since this IS a poem...I just wanted it to sound like a song when people read it..but..still wanted it to be a poem...saying more of the story as it went on.
and yes..i know.. the length and number of syllables...always mess me up :c
If it was just a poem why did you catagorise it as 'songs and lyrics'? And yes, not all songs do, but those which are remembered the most usually do have. And a poem that tells a story is called a ballad, and it is a perfectly valid and traditional form of poetry.
Because Its a song type poem. lol but my type of song. I listen to screamo. Idk what music u listen to. but...most of the songs i listen to dont have a repeated chorus. and I know... I just...always try and tell a story in my poems. but i wanted it to sound like song..while being read.
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