Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconiinegativeii: More from IINegativeII


Featured in Collections

Poems by Animalgirlxo

Literature by ArtsMermaid

writings by GuineaGirl106


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
August 1, 2012
File Size
2.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
463 (1 today)
Favourites
25 (who?)
Comments
89
×
I'm looking out my window
just seeing the rain fall
Trying to hide my phone
to fight back this urge to call
And all the memories
of us playing in the rain
start to flood my brain
As the rain starts screaming out your name

As I'm looking there outside
I can see your silhouette
I know you're not there and yet
You look just like the day we met
Oh please tell me Juliet
Why can't I forget

Blame it on the rain
Blame it on my brain
Blame it on life
being full of pain
Blame it on these eyes
for always seeing you
Blame it on me
For all I've put you through

Blame it on the rain
Blame it on my name
Blame it on love
driving us insane
Baby blame me
when there's nothing left to blame
Cuz I haven't lost the flame
it still burns within the rain

And I cant keep acting like everything's okay
babe you've made it so an atheist would pray
I don't know what to believe in anymore
since the day you walked away
I just hope that you'll come back to stay

Now Juliet tell me,Why I can't forget
That these memories make me live in regret
And though Im not standing outside in the rain.
These tears still make me feel I'm so wet

Blame it on the rain
blame it on these veins
Blame it on this heart
pumping love in vain
Blame it on the boy
treating love like its a game
Thinks that he can play
but only proves most men are the same

Just...Blame it on the Rain
yeah blame it on the rain
Blame it on maturing
just a little late
And now that I've grown up
giving everything just isn't enough
No matter what I try to do
I've already lost your love

And I'm sorry Juliet
that I couldn't be your Romeo
I'll just let this rain..wash away the pain
so we can finally let go
I kinda..wanted to write a song.
and..had high hopes for it
but..well.it kinda blew up in my face and came crashing down >_>
Add a Comment:
 
:iconinsanitypossessed:
InSaNiTyPossessed Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If you would make a tune or something I could sing it to, I could sing it for you. This is beautiful and I really want to sing it. ^^
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
U would sing this for me? really? :O
Reply
:iconinsanitypossessed:
InSaNiTyPossessed Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Of course! I mean I'm not that good but. . . it really would be lots of fun!!
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh well i dont really have a beat..or anything for it.
but u are welcome to sing it lol
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012   Writer
I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
:icongrammarnazicritiques:

Firstly, don't forget to check your folders. #GrammarNaziCritiques has a 'lyrics for critique' folder which is where this should have been submitted.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

For lyrics to work without a melody you need to have good rhyme and good rhythm. You have this for most part of the piece. There are a couple of things I would watch out for though.

Chorus:
Most songs have a repeatable section that the listener can easily remember and sing along to. Yours has that somewhat in the 'blame it on the rain' ST's, but you have too much variation within them for them to be a proper chorus. I would look at keeping them the same, maybe the same two repeated over again at a later part.

Rhyme:
Your rhyme and rhythm works well up to the end of the first 'blame it on the rain' section. Then you get a bit wonky with your rhythm, and although your rhyme is still good it makes it appear bad. This has to do with meter (syllables per line) so I would try look in to that more. It almost spoils the piece having such a nice rhythm at the beginning and then it gets thrown off completely.

You have a good concluding ST, but I would still have the 'chorus' come after this, and then repeat the ST again. (You will find that songs are very repetitive).

Watch out for typing too fast, because some of your contractions are missing the apostrophes (I noticed an 'Im' near the top).

Overall:
Not a bad attempt at lyrics.

:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty:
Jo
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ok
Well first of....not all songs have a repeat chorus.
in my type of music...anyway
and since this IS a poem...I just wanted it to sound like a song when people read it..but..still wanted it to be a poem...saying more of the story as it went on.


and yes..i know..
the length and number of syllables...always mess me up :c

but thanks..
Im glad its..mostly a positive
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012   Writer
If it was just a poem why did you catagorise it as 'songs and lyrics'?
And yes, not all songs do, but those which are remembered the most usually do have.
And a poem that tells a story is called a ballad, and it is a perfectly valid and traditional form of poetry.
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Because Its a song type poem. lol
but my type of song.
I listen to screamo.
Idk what music u listen to.
but...most of the songs i listen to dont have a repeated chorus.
and I know...
I just...always try and tell a story in my poems.
but i wanted it to sound like song..while being read.
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012   Writer
Nothing wrong with that.
Reply
:iconiinegativeii:
IINegativeII Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i guess not.
Reply
Add a Comment: